this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
