Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
