I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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