Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
