Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
did i walk over a car last night?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
