I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
