Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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