Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
