Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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