I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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