Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
