can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
