my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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