can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We need a shit load of segways right now
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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