i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
