Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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