I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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