I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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