Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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