He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
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He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
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I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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