I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
