Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
