it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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