Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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