Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I've blown a few things in my day
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
