This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
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I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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