Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
