My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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