My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
