I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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