And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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