He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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