it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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