bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
