my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you inspire me to be a worse person
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
