If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
