Sry I called you an 8
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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