90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
