You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
