highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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