someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
