Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
