Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
