Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize