Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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