so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
