I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
