I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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