my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
