He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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