I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am full of burrito and curiosity
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Randomize
