it hurts more in the daytime
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
