The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
