I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
