two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
