Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
