My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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