thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
