i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
