Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
