I cockslap morals
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
