I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
why do cheetos always look like penises
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
