i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
