the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize