You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
