i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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